And then...she freaked out!

Let me just start by saying..I HEART LONG WEEKENDS! I'm lucky enough to also have tomorrow off, which makes for a 4-day weekend. I strongly believe that every weekend should begin on Friday and end on Monday. Anyone with me on this?

We had a chance to be lazy AND productive this weekend. Let's throw the word "lame" in there as well. I will blame it on the pregnancy vs. my age, but wow, I did not feel like doing a dang thing! Come to think of it...I haven't left the house in 2 days! It's nice to do that sometimes I guess. I have a super clean house, complete with clean closets, to show for it.

The long weekend also gave me time to think. Maybe because the calendar now officially says "2011", it's starting to sink in. I mean really starting to sink it to the point where I may have had a mini mental freak out this weekend.

As I told Travis...."I am scared. As in, scared shitless".

Regarding everything that's happening in 2011.

Particularly, the twins. Well not the babies themselves, but what will happen between now and holding them in my arms. I'm scared about preterm labor and I'm scared about having my crotch blown out not once, but twice in the same day...the same hour even. I thought one was brutal enough and I'm afraid for the intense pain, tears, and emotions involved during birth. I'm scared of being one of the few twin mommas who has a natural birth for Baby A, then needs a c-section for Baby B. I do not want a c-section. Do not. Especially on top of an crotch already in need of some help!!

Okay sorry that was probably too much. But, it scares me.

What scares me more is...what if I'm one of the twin mommas who goes into preterm labor? The doctor isn't predicting me to be a "pretermer", but you know what, only God knows how this will unfold. It does me or the babies zero good to worry about it.

But that doesn't mean I can't still be scared for it all.

I wonder how I will handle 2 newborns and a toddler after we are all home safe. Emersyn's a dream of a child...she is so easy. Will she stay easy or will we see a huge behavior change with the big life changes for her? See, that scares me too! Travis has just a handful of days that he can use after we come home from the hospital. Being alone scares me. My momma lives 8 hours away. That scares me. Yet, the thought of in-laws and multiple visitors here during this big change ALSO scares me, maybe more than doing it ourselves does!

After we had Emersyn, I almost wanted to be alone. That sounds bad, but it's true. I had enormous boobs shooting milk across the room at every little move, my crotch was beyond sore and I sat on a pillow for a week, and well....let's just say it is not the most pleasant situation all the time. I had retained part of my placenta so passed that a few days later. I freaked out over...what IS that thing and why did that just happen? See, not the greatest situations for company to be around for, right? Awk-ward!

I am scared for how Emersyn will handle everything. I cry every once in awhile thinking that she won't be my "baby" anymore and how her life will soon turn upside down. She's so social and easygoing, I think she'll do great...but who knows!

I'm scared to make the transition to minivan momma! Okay, well not scared...but...I feel it screams "old person!" and I'm not ready to be categorized as old just yet. Nor am I ready to be the target of other people's road rage. Alright, I'm a drama queen, I know...

Speaking of drama queen, this is my Topless Princess.

She wanted to play dress-up with her new Princess attire she got for Christmas, but for some odd reason, she refuses to wear any of the tops in her case of princess clothes. She got mad when I suggested it.


This scene scares me in itself. For obvious reasons. We have a few years to stress the importance of wearing shirts I suppose.

In the meantime, I suppose it doesn't hurt to let our Girl Go Primal, right?

So, there you have it. While I am beyond excited for 2011, I'm also pretty scared of it all. However, as I said earlier, it does me no good to worry, so worry I will not. I go back to school in a couple weeks and things will be extremely busy and I won't even have time to worry.

All I can do is turn my fears to God and let him guide me through the rest. I pray each night for a healthy pregnancy, and I know it will be just that.

Now, it seems I can also pray for my daughter to one day realize that going topless is generally frowned upon in society!

Happy Monday, Bloggy Friends!