It goes on...

"In three words, I can sum up everything I've learned about life:  It goes on."

---Robert Frost

As I sit in my (unusually) quiet house tonight as hubby is working and the kids are soundly sleeping...I've been thinking about 2012 and what this year has meant for our family.

I need to be honest...I skipped writing a Christmas letter this year.  Partly because of time, partly because of budget, and partly because 2012 isn't a year most people would want to hear about.  I've always written our Christmas letters from a point of truth...there is little glamorous about our life and I don't pretend we have this perfect, always polished, never flawed thing going on.  I believe I do a decent job of keeping things lighthearted...well let's face it, one wouldn't survive this lifestyle if they didn't.  I try and make light of our often chaotic, carnival-esque daily life.

I attempted a few times to write a letter and keep the lighthearted nature to it.  It just didn't work. I  wasn't feeling it.  

I  ultimately got frustrated and gave it up.  What was so hard about writing my families truths on paper, while being able to jab fun at our reality?

Today marks one year that Travis lost his job.  One year.  12 months.  I never, ever, ever, not in 10 million years would have thought that 12 months later, we would still be in this state of limbo.  I think that 2012 has been very overshadowed by that...like a big black cloud lingering over us.  

Had it not been for the wonderful smiles and unwavering love of my children shared in 2012, I think I'd like to erase the year from the Strobel family history book.  Except for the school credits I finished...no freaking way those are getting erased.

So back to this Christmas letter...no matter how many times I tried to twist it, there was nothing funny nor lighthearted about what was a huge part of our 2012.  I could carry on and on about how wonderful my kids are...because well, they are.  I could mention cute stories about sibling love and twin chatter, and milestones such as the twins' first turds in the tub ("No honey, that is not a new toy to play with! Out, quick!")  I could carry on about how excited I am to be entering my final semester of grad school...because well, I am.  I could tell people that my procrastination is shining strong as I have an entire project to cram into one semester (aka, about 2 years behind).

But the very last paragraph that's usually reserved for a brief mention of what the adults of the family are up to threw me off.  How can you adequately, yet respectfully, mention the elephant in the room?  Oh and by the way, the lack of 2nd income in this house is causing problems X,Y, and Z.  You can't really avoid it because then more questions are raised.  You can't lie, because well...it's Christmas.  No lying allowed.  You can't really make a light joke of it because....it's just not funny.

The truth is that hubby is working part time overnight shifts at Home Depot and has been for about 3 months.  Is this a career?  Nope.  It's minimal and it's reliable. For now.  

I have lost so much sleep and sanity over the situation this past year, I can't even tell you.  So---why am I, you ask...

Because it's been a great life lesson, that while I hope no one should ever have to experience, it's taught me a lot.  About myself, my family, my faith, and my marriage.  And let me tell you...my family has been wonderful (my rock!) and my "self" has not been.  I've held on to anger over this for far too long.  My marriage has been tried--and we're still married, so I've learned that we're tougher as a couple than I thought.  My faith has wavered but at the end of the day, I have what is most important...so faith, too, is restored.

I have big hopes for 2013.  Big big plans....including:  graduating on May 17th (but who's counting?) and running a half marathon on May 26th (and very reluctantly counting---lots and lots of work to do.  Let me remind you, I am NOT a runner and farthest I have previously ran is 7 miles)  These are long term goals, becoming reality.  I am excited and hopeful.

And as a way to "start fresh"---I chopped over 4 inches off today--on a whim!  I'm so wild and crazy. Ha.

 The elephant from 2012 will undoubtedly follow us in to 2013, but I am praying that it won't be for long.  It can't be for long...it simply can't.  Or we will be living in a van down by the river.

Our Christmas was wonderful, and for the holiday season, all the worries went away.

Okay, not all the worries...

Teamwork! (Don't be fooled, this is tree destruction!)

Hanging out on a Friday night with our drink of choice :)

SuperEmersyn!

#26actsofkindness  -- took cookies and a coffee to a homeless man.

 And for these little people, I feel beyond blessed and thankful...

Even when life is insane :)

The lessons I've taken from 2012 will last through 2013...and 2014...and 2025.  Life long lessons.

Because life goes on.

And for that I am so thankful.