This week is quite exciting for me. Why? It's SPRING BREAK! I have to laugh at that term and what it means to me now. I'm excited about house projects, deep cleaning, and relaxing. My days spent dreaming of spring break involving beer, sun, and no sleep have long passed. Ahhh. I believe it's called aging. I will take it! We have no big plans this week, which is perfect with me! The past few weeks have been insane.
We came back from Vegas and jumped right back into the swing of work, daycare, and the like. School has been a MAD rush ever since. Sometimes I have to sit back and ask myself, "What in the HECK are you doing?" This attempt at higher education has gotten me down at times, but I just have to stay focused and keep plugging away, because it will be so worth it in the end! The thought of summer school is less than exciting. But I gotta keep on! Emersyn will be 4 years old when I graduate. Does that seem like forever away, or what?
Well, it's really not that far away. Our precious girl will turn 2 on April 10th. Whoa, really? That seems impossible! Time, if you are reading this, please slow down! When looking at time from that perspective, another 2 years should breeze right on by. Especially at this rate. I often wonder just what I did with myself during that year and a half following graduation from nursing school, prior to having Emersyn. What consumed our evenings? Weekends? Sometimes I miss those days...the concept of having "nothing" to do seems very appealing at times. But, that's not my reality and I could not be more thankful for that. There is no other role I would rather have fill that void than motherhood. It is simply...amazing. I don't know how else to describe it. Parenthood definitely came at the perfect time for us, and I can't imagine a greater or more precious gift from God.
I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about what it means to be blessed with a child. What God's expectations are, for us as parents, to teach our child. Sometimes I can't help but believe it is NOT some of the things we are teaching Emersyn. I will only elaborate by saying that she dropped her first four-letter word a couple of weeks ago as she was playing. Travis and I immediately shot eachother "the look" as if to say..."that was YOU!"...while at the same time trying not to laugh. Reality is, we are both guilty of being the "teacher" in this case. Oops! The even better reality is that we have since recognized how impressionable our little lady is and cleaned up the language. At least during her waking hours. Ha!
So all lighthearted stories aside, I realize what a huge role it is to be a parent. There are SO many things that freak me out about Emersyn's future...well we won't go there right now. It's just a scary world sometimes and I have really grown to value my upbringing now that I am a parent myself. There are just so many responsibilities as a parent that you really can't begin to understand until you are there yourself. Sure, parental responsibilities at this stage of Emersyn's life are very basic. But as quickly as time is passing, it sure doesn't seem far off when we will be worrying about who she's hanging out with, how her grades are, where she is driving to. And the reality is that the making for all that is being passed down to her as early as...now! Ahhhh!
Now all worries about our decisions as parents aside, the past nearly 2 years with our sweet gift from God have been just amazing. We love every second of it and as I said earlier...forgot what life was like pre-Emersyn. Some days I find myself trying to get stuff done around the house and realize that pre-Emersyn, it came much easier. I sometimes need a gentle reminder to really just treasure even those "trying" moments. You know, to enjoy the dramatic outbursts just as much as the sweet, cheeky giggles and kisses. I had a huge reminder of that over and over the past few weeks...read on.
There is a blog that I heard about and started following a few weeks ago that has really put things into perspective for me. My concerns about school deadlines, laundry, what color to paint the bathroom, and what Emersyn will wear for her 2-year pictures seem so petty compared to some people's real problems. There is a sweet 2-year old girl named Layla Grace from Texas. You can read about her story and see her beautiful pictures at http://laylagrace.org or I can summarize and say that she was diagnosed with Grade 4 Neuroblastoma (very aggressive childhood cancer) at age 16 months. She endured many months of treatments and a bone marrow transplant and did it all with such a sweet smile. Sadly, her cancer returned in January and she was sent home on hospice care. Her doctors gave her a couple days and she held on for over 3 weeks before passing away last week. The last few weeks I would read her journey nightly and drown myself in a river of tears. It seems so cruel that this sweet child had to suffer in the end for so long while her parents sat by her bedside feeling helpless. Little Layla became an internet sensation and has nearly 50,000 followers on Twitter and nearly 70,000 on Facebook. I mean, she has swept her readers off their feet by her strength and her family's wonderful faith. Her family is now continuing her legacy and plan to establish the Layla Grace Foundation for childhood cancer. How inspiring is that? There was a summary posted on Facebook by one internet follower who attended Layla's "Celebration of Life". Layla's dad, Ryan, spoke of this at her celebration, and I thought it was so beautiful I had to share:
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"Life is a big, huge beach and we’re all standing somewhere along it, some closer to the water line and some farther back. God has given us all different tools to build with in the sand. Some people have shovels and buckets, some rakes and some spoons, but everyone has something different in size or shape. Some people immediately go to work and build a huge sand pile so that everyone around them can say “Wow, that’s a big sand pile, good job.” Some people cast their tools aside and relax to enjoy their surroundings. Some people look at what tools they have in their hands and turn to their neighbor to ask “Can I use this to help you build something?"
"And all the while, the tide comes in and out, nibbling at the things that have been built. Layla’s role on this beach was to run through the edge of the water, splashing and laughing, touching and inspiring each person that she could reach before the tide took her out. Ryan asked each person to think about their own tools that God’s given them and decide how they are going to use them going forward. How will each of us use our tools before the tide comes in? If we all use our tools to help others, then Layla’s life will continue to have meaning."
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Words so powerful coming from someone who just buried their 2-year old baby. Words that really make a person stop and think and put their own life into perspective. I know that I have squeezed my baby a little tighter each night, said an extra prayer at bedtime, and quit believing that mismatched socks might be an issue since hearing about Layla's story.
No matter how simple my life seemed then compared to what it is now, no matter what kind of inappropriate things our daughter might learn from us over time, and no matter that we sometimes eat Goldfish crackers for supper because our toddler insists on doing so, there is no other situation I would choose over the one I am in now. Because that is the plan for us; this is perfect. Perfect timing and perfect place. Sure, I miss my family and friends terribly some days. But I do have to believe that this is part of my life's purpose. Just sitting down here in southeast Minnesota using the tools that God gave me. (Except you really don't want me using any tools on you, literally, until I finish these last two years of school) :)
This little cutie could have used a tool or two last week helping her dad shovel the ugly melting snow off of the lawn:
Just a few days later, the snow was gone. She ran full-blast down to the corner to check out the fire hydrant.
I may have wished for a tool in the form of a scissors or knife at one point when Emersyn got her new, super-cute, but quickly annoying shoes in the mail the other day. They squeak like a rubber squeaky toy whenever she walks in them...it kept her running all over the place for a good hour straight! (The squeakers are removable).
Being the shoe-loving girl that she is, she was also pretty tickled about her first pair of Nikes! This was Travis' desire and we found some super cute and super on-sale little Nikes last weekend. Yes, they are way too big for her and she trips over them for now, but didn't stop her from being pretty excited about them!
Emersyn quickly learned that stickers don't come off of bare skin without a few "owies". Water may have been a good tool for her here. Silly girl!
And finally, just this, because I can't get enough of it and because it sets the mood for St. Patty's week:
I hope you all have a wonderful week. May the green beer flow and may you use your tools wisely. ;)
Soooo funny about the four letter word! And "the look". We have yet to hear one fly out of B's mouth, but I have a feeling it'll be soon. Keep your head up about school, you're doing so well this far!
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